How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
