ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
