Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
