Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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