Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
