I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
