when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
