It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
