So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
