He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
