carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We need to rekindle our bromance
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
