but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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