please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
