i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
