Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
