dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
