If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
