Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
