i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
