Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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