I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
