I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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