She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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