Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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