Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
