are you so shy because you have an std?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
