woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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