i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
