Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
