rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
