having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
