Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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