I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
