I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
