I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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