One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
