So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
