Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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