Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
