I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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