do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
