I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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