i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
