im drinking this country out of the recession.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
