she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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