That reminds me...we need to get swords
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
