Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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