this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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