you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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