I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
