what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
