My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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