I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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