Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my poor anus
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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